The Three Steps of a Bully

The predator who lived next door to us had three levels of asking for something. First he would admire it - "You sure have a nice place" (with special emphasis on the word "sure"). If that did not get him what he wanted, he would go to the second step. "Who owns this place?" he would ask. "We do," I answered. He asked me that six times. I patiently answered it, thinking he could have a memory problem. The sixth time he asked and I answered, "We do," he got mad - "Well I'll be sure not to STEP ON IT!" I finally realized that he was hinting that he wanted access to our land - the combination to our lock on the gate, the ability to drive across our lot to the back of his mother's place... We were suspicious of his motivations. There seemed to us something beyond just the access that he wanted and so, trusting our gut, we just ignored the questions hidden in his whining hints. So he went to his third level - threats. He said to Karl - "You're gonna be driving on some lonely road one of these days and then my boys will take care of you. But don't worry. I'll take care of your wife and THEN I'll have your place."

So watch out for anyone who slowly increases their requests or uses hints to ask for something. You just may have a predator who is shopping around for someone to prey upon.

Spotting Bullies

Ever since our intense experience with a major predator, I find it easier to spot one. If I am quite sure that someone is a bully, I keep my distance as much as possible, which is almost impossible if you have to work with them. There are all kinds of books on working with bullies or school bullying, but very little on how to deal with a neighbor who is a bully. Visit attorneys about a bullying neighbor and I can guarantee about 90 percent or more will tell you to move. That is a terrible thing for someone who has invested a lot into their property, so I am slowly working on a book about our long complicated experience with the hope that it might help others in a similar struggle.

Keep a Journal

If you should encounter a bully who seems to have zeroed in on you, keep a journal. If you don't like to write, get over it. A journal can help eventually, especially if you have other documents, audio or video recordings to back up your writings. When I asked a supportive Deputy D.A. if there was any more we could do, he said we had done everything perfectly. We kept the daily journal, until I was well beyond being sick of it. We videotaped and audiotaped. AND, if you can keep all of that secret from your bully, you will be much better off. As soon as you reveal that you are keeping record, your bully may back off - for awhile - and then will switch to new tactics that you cannot catch on tape. These predators are very experienced. Rare is the person who can out maneuver a predator.

PLAYFUL PREDATOR

On one of his better days, the Predator - 'under the influence' - plays with sunflower seeds in his pockets. I was sitting on the front porch when he came outside. He kept trying to disgust me so much that maybe I would move away, or better yet, give him our property. Don't laugh. It happens to other targets.

Predators are Cruel

During this past summer, I learned that the Predator has successfully convinced all the neighbors around us that I am a child molester. How he has done this, I do not know, but I know that he is crafty and took lots of photos of my husband and I. He's had several years to find someone who could alter those photos to any perverted purpose. He's had loads of time to tell anyone who will listen about the child molester at 'this address' with 'this phone number.'

Even the neighbors who stood with us have caved in to his poison. We are about as pure as you can get - no illicit drugs, no perversions other than the glass of wine once each week (my stomach can't take more than that), and certainly no perversions of any kind with anyone and especially children. At any moment of my life, I would risk my own to save a child and so would my husband. We do not look at people as 'black', 'brown,' or any other color. We look at them as people and we have conducted our lives in the best way we could without harming any one else.

Yet here we are, the target of a vicious racist, who will stop at nothing to destroy people who simply resist him. You do not have to do anything wrong at all. A predator, a bully, a stalker - they see other people as THINGS they are entitled to. And if they feel rejected by that person or people (our Predator was pissed if we did not wave at him every single day) - they target you and obsessively harass and threaten with the intent to destroy.

Those in the law, need to look closer at this type of crime. They need to be more open to what appears to be a neighbor on neighbor case and consider the possibility of predator and prey.